I might kid you, but I wouldn’t lie to you. The following exchange is from the February 7, 2008 House Judiciary Committee Hearing that featured Attorney General Michael Mukasey as the focal witness.

Chairman John Conyers : “The Chair now recognizes Judge Gohmert, the representative from Texas’ 1st Dirstrict.”

Rep. Gohmert: “Thank you Chairman Conyers. And thank you Attorney General Mukasey for being here today. Good to finally meet you.”

Mukasey, barely visible above the witness dais, stares rather blankly through his large, framed glasses, at the first-term congressman; facing the AG, a few paces before him at the committee rostrum. It’s clear the AG isn’t quite sure what to expect from the first-term Republican.

Gohmert: “Attorney General, you going to prosecute my drill sergeant? You see, I was an officer, going through army basic, and army basic was torture. Seemed like torture to me.”

Mukasey just stared at the congressman, obviously perplexed at a weird twist in questioning that was so out of the circle of serious inquiries he’d been receiving from the other members of the committee.  

Gohmert: “We had this one fella . . . We were pulling him through the mud and water . . . He darned-near died. So, you gonna prosecute my drill sergeant?”

Mukasey, a wan grin beginning to form: “Umm, ahh . . . Do you have the sergeant’s name? I’m not sure.”

Gohmert: “I don’t know what his name was. But if I can get it for you, would you prosecute him for torture?”

Mukasey: “You get his name, and some of the details . . . some evidence. Maybe I’d take a look at it.”

Gohmert: “You see Mr. Attorney General, what I’m trying to say is, we’re all worried up here about various interrogation methods, methods used on those who want to kill us, that I don’t see is any different from what the army puts recruits through in basic training. It was torture. Personally, I don’t have a problem with torture, if it can save American lives. I think we can torture all day long, as far as I’m concerned — if it would save lives.”  

I had planned on adding commentary, maybe about the Texas First representative being a Baptist, and how, to him taping someone’s mouth and eyes shut, tipping them upside down on a slanted board and pouring water down their nostrils isn’t all that different from the baptismal dunk in the river, and . . .  Then I thought, what the hell, from his own lips he’d already indicted himself as a despicably moronic fool, neither a judge anyone would want to come before, nor a Christian, at least not the kind Jesus carried on about. Then I pondered the idea a few seconds longer, and recalled Texas’ style of justice, how it “Hook-em horns” leads the world in executions (Is it ‘yee-haw,’ or ‘yahoo’? Not as much up on my wahd-opin-spacez westunn argot as I spose I oughta bih.), and it all makes sense, if your heart and soul hail from a Kafkaesque “Clockwork Orange” type of hell.

I don’t know what the folks are really like in the Texas First. But if they sent Louie Gohmert to Washington, I figure they must be familiar with the guy, they must approve of him, or they wouldn’t have elected him. I mean, is that what they’re like? When that bastion of the Baptist sect mulls images of Jesus, is that what they see? Tipping a bound and gagged human on a board and . . . “I don’t have a problem with torture”?

WOW! I’ll never read the quotes in Mathew, Mark, Luke, John and The Acts quite the same again. And I sure as hell won’t stop off anywhere along I-20 between Shreveport and Dallas. Those folk are just too “Deliverance” mean and ugly through and through.

— Ed Tubbs

PS — Taken from Gohmenrt's own US House of Reps bio page:

U.S. Representative Louie Gohmert (TX-01)

Representative Louie Gohmert was first sworn in January 4, 2005 by Speaker Dennis Hastert as Congressman for the First District of Texas. Prior to being elected to serve in Congress, Louie Gohmert was elected to three terms as District Judge in Smith County, Texas.

During his tenure on the bench, Louie gained national and international attention for some of his innovative rulings. (I don't even want to guess) He was later appointed by Texas Governor Rick Perry to complete a term as Chief Justice of the 12th Court of Appeals. 

Louie Gohmert and his wife Kathy are the proud parents of three daughters. The Gohmert family attends Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, where Louie had been a deacon and still teaches Sunday school.