Although First Sergeant Russell Anderson returned from Iraq to his Norton home in February 2005, the battle still rages for him as he seeks to return to the life he knew before his deployment.

    One of many soldiers suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) but one of the few speaking out about it, Anderson, 55, speaks proudly of his service to his country.
    Anderson spent a year in Iraq with the Army Reserves at FOB Speicher, a base 18 miles north of Tikrit, running convoys of fuel and other supplies to various areas.
    "The biggest adjustment was that ’you’re not in Kansas anymore Toto,’" said Anderson. "The second day I was there the camp got mortared."
    He could have spent his time supervising the 150 soldiers under his command from the base but instead chose to drive some of the convoy trucks himself alongside his men and women.
    "To understand them I have to go through the same experiences," said Anderson.
    Those experiences included being shot at on numerous occasions and having improvised explosive devices (IEDs) detonate near his trucks.
    On long missions it also involved makeshift sleeping arrangements on the top of tankers, in the back of a flat bed truck, or simply under the stars on a cot. Occasionally the convoy would make it to a safe haven where they might have a tent one night.
    Proud of the fact that all soldiers under his command returned home alive, Anderson nevertheless returned with something he had not anticipated - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
    At first he was quiet and withdrawn. His first nightmare came two months after returning home.
    He lashed out at those closest to him, especially longtime girlfriend Cathy Colon.
    "She took the brunt of everything," said Anderson.
    His relationship with Colon was falling apart, he said he was having problems at work, and he turned to drinking to help deal with mounting feelings of anger and frustration.
    Anderson said the final straw came when he was watching fireworks in Virginia Beach, Virginia over the July 4th holiday. He was jumpy every time the fireworks exploded even though he could see and recognize them.
    Colon also gave him an ultimatum - get help or their relationship was over.
    Trying to get assistance, Anderson was first given an appointment with a psychiatrist through the Veteran’s Administration for Sept. 9. After that appointment was cancelled because the psychiatrist was not available, his next appointment was scheduled for the day after Thanksgiving when he would have been out of town. Anderson would have had to wait until January 2006 for his first appointment, close to a year after he had returned home, if not for the intervention of a friend who was a psychiatric nurse with the Army.
    His friend was able to work around the system to get him an appointment at the end of October and he said he began to heal. He has been undergoing counseling and taking medication for the problem since then. He said he has not yet been able to reconcile his feelings of what he sees as a character flaw in himself.
    "PTSD, it’s a stigma," said Anderson. "It’s seen as a weakness. You are a weak person because you can’t suck it up."
    Anderson says PTSD can pop up at any time in a soldier’s life, even 30 years later. It is something you are never completely healed from.
    "I feel I’m doing better," said Anderson. "You learn to cope with it."
    Anderson said he is frustrated with the services available to returning servicemen and women through the Veteran’s Administration. He blames the lack of funding for the problem.
    "It’s not the people there; they are doing the best they can," said Anderson. "(The federal government) spend billions to send us to war. Why can’t they spend a couple billion to get us back into society?"
    Even so, Anderson encourages any soldier suffering with PTSD to seek help and not to try to go it alone. He said friends and family, although they mean well, have no idea what is going on and what a soldier has been through; neither do the soldiers know what their loved ones have gone through while they were deployed.
    Anderson does not look at his time spent in Iraq as fruitless nor is he upset about the decision to deploy his unit. He just re-enlisted for his last five years with the Reserves and there is always a chance he could go back to Iraq.
    Although ambivalent when he first arrived in Iraq, Anderson said he is fully behind the war now.
    He was in Iraq when the turnover of sovereignty to the Iraqis occurred; he was amazed by the high voter turnout and the tenacity of the people.
    Some walked to the polls, others carried friends and relatives to voting areas.
    Some, like a 14-year-old boy, gave their lives; the boy was killed by terrorists simply because he was helping at a polling station, Anderson said.
    "Even though (the Iraqi people) were on high alert, over 70 percent went to vote," said Anderson. "They want a change. That sealed it for me."
    With a cumulative 24 years in active and reserve duty, including four years in electronic spying at a listening post in Ethiopia during the Vietnam War, Anderson looks toward the future and retirement.
    "I’ve seen too much of the world," Anderson said. "I want to see my country."
     Paula Vogler can be reached at 508-634-7563 or by email at writedesk84@comcast.net.
    

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